Ever wondered what you wanna be when you grow up?
I have never thought of that, maybe when I was a kid I'll be like 'One day you'll see me on the newspaper with the headline Best Football Player In The World'. But as you grow up, you realise that dream will always just be what it is, a dream. You can think about it, about how good life will be if you were to be that guy you. But truth is, you can't be that guy.
And for me, if I wasn't born in this country, maybe England or Spain, and with the right training, I could be that person I wanna be, the next big thing, household name.
But I already faced the cold hard truth that it just isn't meant to be.
I'm not a study person. I mean, I know a lot of people will say that, but I genuinely do not like to be around books. But the people who aren't study material usually have talents else where, like athletics and shit, so I've always been calling myself more of a lazy person than a person that just can't study, because I just don't have any talents.
Sometimes when I can't sleep or I'm bored, I'll think about how my future will look like, and whenever I think of how I'll cope, with me not really into my studies, I genuinely become scared of the future.
When people say that they've tried their hardest, I don't really get that, maybe it's cause I never really know when have I really tried my hardest. I was once told that even if you've tried your hardest and failed, you'll have no regrets cause hey, you've already done the best you could, it's not like you could've done more. That's what I'm afraid of, what if I didn't try my best?
This isn't the old days where you just get by with your brains and capabilities, people have gotten smarter, you need to have your education with you. Somedays I tell myself, today's the day I start a new day, a better day, but I never seem to be able to hold my own promise, which really makes me feel like shit. Have you ever felt like shit? Felt so useless that even you yourself think that you're a waste of space? I have, and it's not a great feeling. There are times where I feel like the world ending isn't such a bad idea after all, then I won't have to worry about anything.
Maybe this is just a phase that everyone goes through, I don't know.
There is a chance that I'm not a study person, a bigger chance that I'm just lazy, but I really want to give it a try, and I want you guys to be the witness.
Tomorrow, I'll start a new day, a better day.
Tomorrow, a change for the better.
Tomorrow, a new day.
Yes I will.
